9 Things to Do Instead of Spanking

9 Things to Do Instead of Spanking

by Kathryn Kvols

Research confirms what many parents instinctively feel when they don't like to spank their children, but they dont know what else to do. The latest research from Dr. Murray Straus at the Family Research Laboratory affirms that spanking teaches children to use acts of aggression and violence to solve their problems. It only teaches and perpetuates more violence, the very thing that our society is so concerned about. This research further shows that children who have been spanked are more prone to low self-esteem, depression and accept lower paying jobs as adults. So, what do you do instead?

(1) Get Calm

First, if you feel angry and out of control and you want to spank or slap your child, leave the situation if you can. Calm down and get quiet. In that quiet time you will often find an alternative or solution to the problem. Sometimes parents lose it because they are under a lot of stress. Dinner is boiling over, the kids are fighting, the phone is ringing and your child drops the can of peas you lose it. If you cant leave the situation, then mentally step back and count to ten.

(2) Take Time for Yourself

Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven't had any time to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried. So, it is important for parents to take some time for themselves to exercise, read, take a walk or pray.

(3) Be Kind but Firm.

Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when your child hasn't listened to your repeated requests to behave. Finally, you spank to get your child to act appropriately. Another solution in these situations is to get down on your child level, make eye contact, touch him gently and tell him, in a short, kind but firm phrase, what it is you want him to do. For example, "I want you to play quietly."

(4) Give Choices

Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking. If she is playing with her food at the table, ask, "Would you like to stop playing with your food, or would you like to leave the table?" If the child continues to play with her food, you use kind but firm action by helping her down from the table. Then tell her that she can return to the table when she is ready to eat her food without playing in it.

(5) Use Logical Consequences

Consequences that are logically related to the behavior help teach children responsibility. For example, your child breaks a neighbors window and you punish him by spanking him. What does he learn about the situation? He may learn to never do that again, but he also learns that he needs to hide his mistakes, blame it on someone else, lie, or simply not get caught. He may decide that he is bad or he feels anger and revenge toward the parent who spanked him. When you spank a child, he may behave because he is afraid to get hit again. However, do you want your child to behave because he is afraid of you or because he respects you?

Compare that situation to a child who breaks a neighbors window and his parent says, "I see you've broken the window, what will you do to repair it?" using a kind, but firm tone of voice. The child decides to mow the neighbors lawn and wash his car several times to repay the cost of repairing the window. What does the child learn in this situation? That mistakes are an inevitable part of life and it isn't so important that he made the mistake, but that he take responsibility to repair the mistake. The focus is taken off the mistake and put on taking responsibility for repairing it. The child feels no anger or revenge toward his parent. And, most importantly, the child's self-esteem is not damaged.

(6) Do Make-ups

When children break agreements, parents tend to want to punish them. An alternative is to have your child do a make-up. A make-up is something that people do to put themselves back into integrity with the person that they broke the agreement with. For example, several boys were at a sleep-over at Larrys home. His father requested that they not leave the house after midnight. The boys broke their agreement. The father was angry and punished them by telling them that they couldn't have a sleep-over for two months. Larry and his friends became angry, sullen and uncooperative as the result of the punishment. The father realized what he had done. He apologized for punishing them and told them how betrayed he felt and discussed with the boys the importance of keeping their word. He then asked the boys for a make-up. They decided to cut the lumber that the father needed to have cut in the backyard. The boys became excited and enthusiastic about the project and later kept their word on future sleep-overs.

(7) Withdraw from Conflict

Children who sass parents may provoke a parent to slap. In this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately. Do not leave the room in anger or in defeat. Calmly say, "Ill be in the next room when you want to talk more respectfully."

(8) Use Kind but Firm Action

Instead of smacking an infants hand or bottom when she touches something she isn't supposed to, kindly but firmly pick her up and take her to the next room. Offer her a toy or another item to distract her and say, "You can try again later." You may have to take her out several times if she is persistent.

(9) Inform Children Ahead of Time

A child's temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation. Instead of telling your child he has to leave his friends house at a moments notice, tell him that you will be leaving in five minutes. This allows the child to complete what he was in the process of doing.

Aggression is an obvious form of perpetuating violence in society. A more subtle form of this is spanking because it takes its toll on a child's self-esteem, dampening his enthusiasm and causing him to be rebellious and uncooperative. Consider for a moment the vision of a family that knows how to win cooperation and creatively solve their problems without using force or violence. The alternatives are limitless and the results are calmer parents who feel more supported.

Kathryn Kvols, a national speaker, is the author of the book, "Redirecting Children's Behavior" and the president of the International Network for Children and Families. She can be reached at 1-800-257-9002.

Meet Marijane Schafer, Founder & Director of MCDC!

 Meet Marijane Schafer, Founder & Director Of MCDC

"I believe young children thrive in an educational environment where they are treated like the unique individuals they are and are guided by teachers who love children and understand their needs.

At MCDC, children experience a deep sense of security and are motivated to learn by the warm, home-like setting that we have created for them. Situated in a large house re-designed for school use, surrounded by trees, vegetable and flower gardens, selected farm animals, and a big, grassy play area, learning at MCDC extends beyond the classroom to the gifts of the natural world.

I opened the school in 1978 to provide parents in our community with a quality educational alternative for their children. We have remained intentionally small so that we can maintain a close relationship with the children and their families.  This is why we primarily have been serving our San Diego Communities such as Poway, Rancho Penasquitos, Scripps Ranch, Rancho Bernardo, Ramona, 4S Ranch, Escondido and numerous other surrounding communities for over 35 years.  The staff and I are committed to giving every child an opportunity to discover and develop to their potential.  If you care to see just how we do this, we encourage you to take a tour of our school by visiting http://mcdcpoway.com/scheduleatour or  call us at 858-748-1727.

Thank you for your interest in MCDC; I hope that you and your child can visit our school in the near future. Please wander through this web site and then come by and see for yourself how children here learn to become happy, healthy, and capable individuals."

We also invite you to visit our Google Plus and check out our reviews our Yelp page.

Here is the school information:

14911 Espola Rd Poway, CA 92064

(858) 748-1727

mcdcpoway.com

Educating for Peace: The Essence of Montessori

Another wonderful day, done the Montessori way!

Following Your Child: A Montessori Philosophy of Parenting

Check out this video on "Nurturing the Love of Learning: Montessori Education for the Preschool Years" !

Answers to Some Frequently Asked Questions About Montessori

Answers to Some Frequently Asked Questions About Montessori

Is Montessori for every child? The short answer is yes—there is no child who would not benefit from a Montessori education.  First of all, every child wants to learn but each is unique in areas of interest and rate of learning.  Montessori addresses this uniqueness because it is an individual program tailored to the strengths and challenges of each student.  One child may spend two days learning multiplication while another may require two weeks or even two months.  A trained scientist, Maria Montessori spent a lot of time observing exactly how and why children learn.  She understood that all children, whether they have strengths or challenges in particular areas of learning, need their own time to master it.  They don’t need to be constantly worried about being “ahead” or “behind” anyone else.  Every Montessori school  is the living legacy of this educational breakthrough.  Montessori works for every child no matter who they are or where they come from.
Why doesn’t Montessori grade student? Grades (letters or percentages) focus strictly on results and are only a measure of what a student knows at that particular moment in time.  Grades become the end itself.  What is worse, they can distract the child from the natural enjoyment of learning and developing true enthusiasm for a subject that can last a lifetime, not just until the end of the test.  Instead of grades, Montessori provides informative and descriptive reports on what your child’s focus of interest has been and how he or she is progressing.  Montessori children repeat activities or correct mistakes until they gain competency.  When students make th transition to other schools that do testing, they usually test well and perform a grade level or two above their peers.  
Why does Montessori have mixed-age groups in each class (i.e., three-year age groups:  3-6, 6-9, 9-12, and so on)? Maria Montessori discovered that putting older and younger children together helps them learn from and teach each other.  This is good for the older children because they can be useful and helpful to the younger ones, which not only reinforces what they have learned but enhances their self-esteem as well.  The younger children in turn have role models to follow and are integrated into the classroom by these helpful older children.  If you think about it, every normal community has a mixed grouping of ages.
What does polishing a mirror and washing a table have to do with education? One unique aspect of a Montessori classroom is the Practical Life area.  Through repetitive, handson and very purposeful activities, the child learns to do things for herself.  At the same time, indirect learning beyond polishing a mirror, using tweezers, folding laundry or opening and closing bottles is occurring.  The children learn concentration, coordination, manual dexterity, order and independence.  Far from being trivial, these skills form the necessary foundation for all future learning as they stir important areas of the brain.  In addition, children are interested in learning real things in the real world, which accounts for the tremendous popularity of these exercises.  As Maria Montessori once said:  “Children don’t play, they work.”
What makes a Montessori teacher different? In the simplest terms, a Montessori Director teaches individually.  Picture a traditional classroom:  the teacher stands at the front of a classroom in which the students are all sitting in rigid rows of desks, all receiving the same lesson at the same time.  This is the factory approach that is convenient for school systems, but not conducive for learning.  In the traditional school environment, the
child is treated as an empty vessel, with information poured in at the same rate to all children until the bell rings.
In a Montessori classroom your child is taught individually or in small groups.  This allows the teacher to get immediate feedback and to be sensitive to how well the child is absorbing the lesson and what questions or needs the child has.  Simply put, there is nothing that works so well in education as individual attention.  This focus on your child’s needs in heightened by the fact that each Montessori teacher has been trained in the science of observing children.  They spend time every date observing the class:  how it is functioning as a whole and how the children are progressing with their work.  They have also been trained on how to each using the Montessori materials, all of which have been scientifically designed to enhance the learning experience.
In fact, the word “teacher” is not always used in a Montessori classroom.  A teacher is someone who knows something and gives it to you.  A Montessori teacher is often called a Director or a Guide, because what they do is direct the child toward what he needs to teach himself.  The child does this by using the specially designed materials.  The Montessori Director has been trained to observe your child and to determine his or her level of development, and what guidance the child needs to oprogress to the next level.
If my child has a Montessori education, can he go into another kind of education program that is not Montessori based? Because Montessori does such an excellent job at creating a love for learning, as well as the ability to focus, concentrate, cooperate with others and work independently, Montessori children thrive in any school, work or social situation.
Can my child stay in a Montessori school until post secondary, or should she transfer to traditional school at some point?  One of the most enduring misconception about Montessori is that it is only for young children.  In fact, research has shown that Montessori students consistently outperform those from traditional schools in social, moral, cognitive and emotional levels throughout their entire school life.  A recent study, A Comparison of Montessori and traditional Middle Schools:  Motivation, Quality of Experience, and Social Context, by Kevin Rathunde, had this to say about older Montessori students:
“Results [of the study] showed that Montessori students reported a singularly better quality of experience in academic work than the traditional students.  There were strong differences suggesting that Montessori students were feeling more active, strong, excited, happy, relaxed, sociable and proud while engaged in academic work.  They were also enjoying themselves more, were more interested in what they were doing, and wanted to be doing academic work more than the traditional students.”
The study concluded that the primary experience of the traditional students was what famed educator John Dewey called “drudgery” while the Montessori students were more intrinsically motivated.  In other words, they want to do academic work, so they don’t have to be driven to it by threats or rewards (extrinsic motivation).
Many successful people who were educated in the Montessori system will tell you that Montessori is based on the concept that an individual must tap into the inner motivation of a child in order to be truly successful.
Montessori utilizes and nurtures the natural desire in all children to learn and reach their full po
tential, providing the foundation for future growth.  Montessori graduates range from the founders of Google, Amazon.com, the youngest Rhodes scholar, to the youngest artist to every exhibit at the United Nations.  There are hundreds of thousands of Montessori graduates whom you may have never hear or read about, who are successfully well-adjusted and meeting the goals they have set for themselves.
Montessori’s understanding of how and why children learn allows the classroom to create an excellent foundation for a young child that opens educational doors instead of closing them.  For the very same reasons that Montessori benefits younger children, older students continue to benefit from a Montessori education.  Montessori, like life itself recognized the need for change at every level of life and adapts to the student’s changing needs and challenges.  

Benefits of Montessori

Benefits Of Montessori

Some of the many reasons why Montessori is right for your child.  
Everybody knows that Montessori is a great way to educate children, but not everyone understands the benefits in detail.  Here are some of the many reasons why Montessori is right for your child:  

Your child learns at his own rate.  He is neither held back nor pushed forward according to the learning rates of other students.  In a traditional classroom, all the children are learning the same thing and moving through the curriculum at the same rate.  We know that each child has different abilities and interest.  Some are good at math, while others excel in language and so on.  They all have different interests as well.  Since children are so different, it is unrealistic to expect that they will learn at the same rate.  Because of the repetition that Maria Montessori built into her system, a child is allowed to work on something until she masters it.  Since they don’t move on to the next skill until they have they mastered the present one, there are never any gaps in their education.  That means there is never any need for remedial education.  

Your child learns how to focus and concentrate.  One of Maria Montessori’s goals was to teach children how to concentrate.  This is one of the foundation skills for learning, and one that is largely ignored in traditional school systems.  A Montessori day is structured so that a child’s focus is never interrupted by having to move on to the next lesson before finishing the current one.  
Montessori accommodates all learning styles.  This is important because some children are visual learners, some are auditory learners, some learn through body movement and feeling, and some use a combination of several learning avenues.  Montessori teachers are trained to use all the senses; the use of the didactic materials reinforces this.  

Your child will master the important life skill of being a self-directed learner.  Montessori’s aim is to nurture the inner motivation of the child while allowing the opportunity for the fullest possible exploration of his or her interests.  This nurture of learning begins as soon as a child enters the scientifically designed classrooms.  You will often hear the phrase “prepared environment,” because the classrooms are so carefully designed to ensure the child has the freedom to learn.  This freedom to explore and choose areas of interest will carry over into a willingness to explore areas that may not otherwise appeal to a child being “force-fed” information in a traditional school setting.  

The prepared environment of a Montessori classroom helps children learn to think for themselves at a rate determined by the Director.  A young child new to Montessori may be given more direction at first, but as children grow in confidence and experience they are allowed to make more decisions for themselves.  

Your child will achieve independence by learning how to take care of herself—her body, her belongings and her environment.  Montessori understands that at the heart of every child is a healthy drive toward independence.  Independence is important because it is directly related to high self esteem, competence and cooperation.  Therefore, every aspect of the Montessori classroom has been designed with the goal of an independent child in mind.  Every feature and piece of equipment in the classroom is fully accessible to the child, so they don’t have to constantly ask for help getting things.  Tools, like the broom, are of a size they can handle easily, and children are free to choose their own work.  Finally, the Montessori Director is trained to encourage independence by allowing the children to do things for themselves as soon as they are capable.  For example, if they are learning to tie their shoes, the Director will ensure that are not rushed or interfered with. 

 A Montessori classroom is a place where children learn order.  This provides the sense of security and comfort they need to become self-directed.  Everyone, including children, prefers order to chaos because it is easier to function in an orderly workplace.  Order helps children become independent because they can always find the work materials they are going to use next without help.  By being taught to maintain this order, your child will be learning awareness for others and the fact that you have to take care of the things that are shared—which is the basis of cooperation.  The order of a Montessori classroom is also present in the routines that exist.  The children enter the classroom (which has been set up so that everything is meticulously in its place), hang up their coats and other belongings, greet the Director, and get straight to work.  And every aspect of this routine has been patiently presented to them.  There is also order within the materials themselves:  every tray or piece of material on a shelf is always in its proper place and ready to be used.

 While at work, disruptions are kept to a minimum so children can focus on the task at hand.  All of this is why anyone observing a Montessori classroom sees a well-ordered, calm and functional environment that is perfectly set up for learning.    

The classroom and the materials are designed and displayed in a way that helps your child learn how to cooperate with others in their use and have respect for the needs of others as well as the use of the materials.  The social goals of helping children learn how to get along with each other, respect each other and cooperate are an important component of the Montessori approach to learning.  There is only one Pink Tower in the classroom, for example.  Having to share materials helps promote cooperation and patience.  Having to walk carefully around each child’s mat (on which the work is done) teaches respect for others all day long.  In addition, Montessori also includes structured lessons on grace and courtesy so that the child learns important social skills such as how to greet and introduce people; how to ask for something properly; and even mundane graces such as how to sneeze, cough and yawn politely (it’s fun to watch all the children blowing their noses a lot the day they learn how to do it properly).  

Your child will be treated with respect and dignity in a Montessori classroom.  In Montessori the child is always working on the adult he is going to become.  Montessori recognizes that children deserve and need to be treated with the same respect that we treat adults.

 Although they are relatively inexperienced, as a parent you must recognize that the way to help them learn is by not criticizing “failure”,” but rather by recognizing the incident as an opportunity to learn what went wrong, and helping the child find his or her path to a proper solution.  This concentration on raising the child’s self esteem, coupled with a focus on the rights of others, develops the child’s entire being in a positive way, and helps the child to learn to respect the rights of others as well.   

A multi-disciplinary approach is taken in regard to your child’s interests.  If your child were interested in dinosaurs, for example, this interest would be explored throughout the curriculum.  She would be encouraged to read about dinosaurs to learn language skills; study the measurements of dinosaurs to understand match concepts; and depict dinosaurs when doing art lessons.  Her interest in dinosaurs could even be used to facilitate lessons in history and geography.

 Montessori recognizes that when a child’s interests are involved, any subject becomes fascinating.  
Perhaps the biggest benefit of a Montessori education is that It teaches children how to learn instead of just what to learn.  It instills in them a life-long love of learning, which prepares them to successfully go in any direction their skills and interests may take them.   

“Your child will achieve independence by learning how to take care of himself, and his belongings.  Independence is important because it is directly related to high self esteem and cooperation.” 

Working in the garden at MCDC!

What's Lost as Handwriting Fades

What’s Lost as Handwriting Fades

By MARIA KONNIKOVAJUNE 2, 2014

Credit Michael Mabry

Does handwriting matter?

Not very much, according to many educators. The Common Core standards, which have been adopted in most states, call for teaching legible writing, but only in kindergarten and first grade. After that, the emphasis quickly shifts to proficiency on the keyboard.

But psychologists and neuroscientists say it is far too soon to declare handwriting a relic of the past. New evidence suggests that the links between handwriting and broader educational development run deep.

Children not only learn to read more quickly when they first learn to write by hand, but they also remain better able to generate ideas and retain information. In other words, it’s not just what we write that matters — but how.

“When we write, a unique neural circuit is automatically activated,” said Stanislas Dehaene, a psychologist at the Collège de France in Paris. “There is a core recognition of the gesture in the written word, a sort of recognition by mental simulation in your brain.

Handwriting is being dropped in public schools — that could be bad for young minds. Google’s new hands-free computer is finding its way into operating rooms. Breast cancer survivors find the start of their new lives in a tattoo artist’s work.
Subscribe to the Podcast » David Corcoran, Kassie Bracken and Jeffery DelViscio

“And it seems that this circuit is contributing in unique ways we didn’t realize,” he continued. “Learning is made easier.”

A 2012 study led by Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, lent support to that view. Children who had not yet learned to read and write were presented with a letter or a shape on an index card and asked to reproduce it in one of three ways: trace the image on a page with a dotted outline, draw it on a blank white sheet, or type it on a computer. They were then placed in a brain scanner and shown the image again.

The researchers found that the initial duplication process mattered a great deal. When children had drawn a letter freehand, they exhibited increased activity in three areas of the brain that are activated in adults when they read and write: the left fusiform gyrus, the inferior frontal gyrus and the posterior parietal cortex.

By contrast, children who typed or traced the letter or shape showed no such effect. The activation was significantly weaker.

Dr. James attributes the differences to the messiness inherent in free-form handwriting: Not only must we first plan and execute the action in a way that is not required when we have a traceable outline, but we are also likely to produce a result that is highly variable.

Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, used a scanner to see how handwriting affected activity in children’s brains. Credit A. J. Mast for The New York Times

That variability may itself be a learning tool. “When a kid produces a messy letter,” Dr. James said, “that might help him learn it.”

Our brain must understand that each possible iteration of, say, an “a” is the same, no matter how we see it written. Being able to decipher the messiness of each “a” may be more helpful in establishing that eventual representation than seeing the same result repeatedly.

“This is one of the first demonstrations of the brain being changed because of that practice,” Dr. James said.

In another study, Dr. James is comparing children who physically form letters with those who only watch others doing it. Her observations suggest that it is only the actual effort that engages the brain’s motor pathways and delivers the learning benefits of handwriting.

The effect goes well beyond letter recognition. In a study that followed children in grades two through five, Virginia Berninger, a psychologist at the University of Washington, demonstrated that printing, cursive writing, and typing on a keyboard are all associated with distinct and separate brain patterns — and each results in a distinct end product. When the children composed text by hand, they not only consistently produced more words more quickly than they did on a keyboard, but expressed more ideas. And brain imaging in the oldest subjects suggested that the connection between writing and idea generation went even further. When these children were asked to come up with ideas for a composition, the ones with better handwriting exhibited greater neural activation in areas associated with working memory — and increased overall activation in the reading and writing networks.

Samples of handwriting by young children. Dr. James found that when children drew a letter freehand, they exhibited increased activity in three significant areas of the brain, which didn’t happen when they traced or typed the letter. Credit Karin James Continue reading the main story

About Maria Montessori...

About Maria Montessori

Maria Montessori was born in 1870 in Chiaravalle, Italy and died in 1952 in Noordwijk, The Netherlands.

She became the first woman medical doctor in Italy, and early in her career, she started working with children in the slums of Rome. Her training as a scientist allowed her to observe children with an eye to recognizing their intrinsic needs. She went on to create educational materials that matched children’s developmental needs.

Maria Montessori was nominated for the Nobel Peace prize in 1949, 1950, and 1951. A scientist, educator, humanitarian, and philosopher, she was also a visionary.

About Montessori Education

In 1907 Montessori opened the first Casa de Bambini (Children’s House) in Rome. In this environment, children were introduced to activities and then allowed to choose to participate or not. Montessori learned from the children which activities were appropriate. Gradually Montessori accumulated a series of materials that are still used in Montessori schools around the world. As well as the materials, her observations led her to theories on how children learn best. Many of her “discoveries” are well-accepted in early childhood education today.

• Respect for the Child: Children are different from adults and each other; each one of us is unique and deserves respect.
• The “Absorbent Mind:” The first six years of life are immensely important in terms of learning. During this period, children have extraordinary abilities to learn almost effortlessly; they “absorb” information from their environment, whatever that environment might be.
• The “Prepared Environment:” Children learn best and become confident individuals in an environment (home or school) where appropriate activities are available, where they can choose their own activities, and where they can progress at their own pace using self-correcting materials. Montessori tells us to “follow the child.”
• Purposeful Work: Through meaningful activities designed so children can succeed, children create themselves. The child, in essence, is asking us to “Help me do it by myself.”
• The Human Potential: Education begins at birth… and never ends. If children’s developmental needs are met, children will be able to maximize their potentials, whatever they may be. Montessori extended this premise to the world as a whole, where fulfilled and well-balanced adults would begin to behave better towards each other, leading eventually to a world at peace. 

Roles of a Montessori Teacher - By Anne Burke Neubert

Roles of a Montessori Teacher

Anne Burke Neubert, in A Way of Learning (1973)

* The Montessori Teacher is the dynamic link between the child and the Prepared Environment.

* The Montessori Teacher is a systematic observer of the child and an interpreter of his needs.

* The Montessori Teacher is an experimenter, tailoring the environment to meet his perceptions of the child's needs and interests, and objectively noting the results.

* The Montessori Teacher is a programmer, preparing the environment and keeping in perfect condition, adding to it and removing materials as needed.

* The Montessori Teacher is an evaluator, judging the effectiveness of her own work and the environment every day. She must also evaluate the progress of each child.

* The Montessori Teacher is a respecter and protector of the child. He must know when to step in, set limits or lend a helping hand, and when it is in the child's best interests to step back and not interfere.

* The Montessori Teacher is a supporter, offering warmth, security, stability, and non-judgmental acceptance to each child.

* The Montessori Teacher is a facilitator of communication among the children and of the child's effort to communicate with her. She must also interpret the child's progress and her work to parents, the school staff, and the community.

* The Montessori Teacher is a demonstrator, presenting clear, interesting and relevant lessons to the child. His role is to seduce the child into spontaneous fascination with the materials through his demonstrations.

* The Montessori Teacher is a consistent good example of desirable behavior for the children, following the ground-rules of the class herself, and exhibiting a sense of calm, consistency, grace and courtesy, and demonstrating respect for every child.

* The Montessori Teacher is a peacemaker, consistently working to teach courteous behaviors and conflict resolution.

* The Montessori Teacher is a diagnostician, able to interpret the patterns of diversity, and non-judgmental acceptance to each child.

Children; Yesterday and Today

In this article I will attempt to share my observations of children I have worked with over almost 40 years of teaching and how they have changed. I am alarmed at the stages of learning that are not being met. When I was growing up and when I first began teaching children spent a lot of time in the out of doors. They played in the mud, dug in the garden, collected rocks and bugs, built forts and tree houses, climbed trees and rocks, who needed a climbing structure? When they came to the Montessori classroom they were ripe for learning.

Now our children have to have a soft landing wherever they go, and OMG if they get dirty they need to be disinfected. Our children’s lack of outdoor experience has a name: “NatureDeficit Disorder is not a medical condition — it describes our lack of a relationship to the environment. It hurts our children, our families, our communities, and our environment. Luckily,the cure starts in our own backyards.” To read more go to:

http://www.education.com/topic/nature-deficit-disorder/  or just google “Nature Deficit Disorder”. It is very interesting and I believe it has a lot to do with where our children are today.

When I began teaching, I was in my early 20’s. I often thought then “I would like to work in an orphanage, parents just get in the way”. It did not take long to realize that parents are the main teachers and influence on their children and when we work as a team the children benefit.Montessori is a wonderful environment for children to thrive in and it is dependent on our team effort.

It was 1974, I was head teacher of a class of 36 children 2.5 – 6 years old. We sometimeseven accepted children just over 2. Why? You say. Because they were Potty trained and ready developmentally to begin in our program. Most children already had begun expressive languageand speaking in 3-4 word sentences. I think that expectations are the key, the children are very capable of this level of learning and parents naturally expected it. Actually, the sensitive period for potty training is 18-24 months, a child is capable of speech if it is expected and modeled. When we talk to children like we talk to adults, they pick up on more interesting vocabulary and conversational skills. As far a potty training goes, please don’t be offended but, when disposablediapers hit the scene parental motivation to help their child learn to use the toilet went out the window. Today we are all moving at such a fast pace that we do not want to take time to do what we can put off until tomorrow. This is not serving our children.

The developmental level attained by a 3 year old today is much more like a 2 year old back in the “olden days”. We get calls from parents who have almost  4 year old who is not yet potty trained. We work with children who do not look you in the eye when talking, who speak in stilted baby talk or point and grunt when they want something. Why is this? My guess is that the speed we move at today and TV have had the greatest effect o children. Because adults had to move fast, mentally and physically, to keep up in our society, TV became a great tool to keep children quiet and occupied. Unfortunately, this does not meet the developmental need of the young child. There is no response needed the program just drones on whether the child speaks to it or not. So language is stunted in a way. They hear words but do not have to speak back to them.  When children are with an adult the back and forth of conversation is absorbed by the child’s brain, which is like a sponge between 0 and 6 years old. The adult can slow down and/or enunciate speech as they converse with the child. They can also vary the words so their child learns to have a more interesting communication skills. Instead of “gimme water” or “wa wa” your child can be expected to say “I am thirsty, may I have a drink, please?” They will not get these skills from TV shows that dumb down language for children.

I really believe that it is not really the quantity of time that you spend with your child, but it is the quality and focused time that you spend which will give you children the most. So turn off the cell phone, computer and TV and spend 30-60 minutes a day, listening and communicating with your child, playing in the mud, building something, cooking, gardening, the possibilities are endless. You can never make up this time later. Remember the song “Cats in a Cradle” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH46SmVv8SU) it is so true. Take it to heart. No one else can do what you do for your child. Also, this is not just Mom’s job; both parents need to be involved. Remember it is just a short time each day that will have lifetime of consequences.

Attention to Detail is Important

ATTENTION TO DETAIL IS IMPORTANT                                                    By Sam Parker

A recent fancy dinner reminded me of a story about my entitled 20­something youth ... a time when I thought the world was here to serve me (when I was a bit more of an brat than I am now ... I think).

It was the beautifully aligned glasses across the open table that gave me the flashback.

I must have been about 24 (how sweet the sound). I was selling insurance. To supplement my income, I waited tables in a popular restaurant in Washington D.C. (Georgetown). On this particular shift, I was standing around doing nothing and the manager (a young person, as well) came to me and said...  

"If you don't have anything else to do right now, in your section, make sure all the place settings are aligned nicely. I want you to imagine a string held over your row of tables, above the glasses. Those glasses should be perfectly aligned. Understand?" 

It's possible she added a please or two but I'm sure I didn't hear it.

I remember thinking (and saying with my eyes, I'm sure), "You're a fanatic." I remember being angry and thinking her request was just busywork.

And now, like so many things with an added quarter century of experience, if I were to see a video of my response, I'm sure I'd be embarrassed.

She was serious about her work. And now, she's the reason I like going to particular restaurants, shopping at particular stores, and working with particular people and companies.

Attention to detail. Care. To a fanatical level.  

I know it's a long shot, but if you're reading this and you think you're the "fanatic" I'm writing about (you were a manager at J. Paul's in the early 90s), please call or email me. I'd love to send you an apology gift. Really.

Sam (the guy behind this stuff)
SamParker@GiveMore.com  |  804­762­4500 ext. 303

P.S. If you're a leader (with a title or not), what are you doing on a regular basis (an all­ the­ time thing) to inspire that deeper care and attention that we all want (inspire ... not control)? Call or email anytime. I'd love to hear what's working for you.

One or two of my books (below) might be helpful to you. Sometimes people are more open to the "let's get fanatical" message when it comes from someone not so close to the situation.  

Ideas and thoughts to help everyone stay focused on the good things that bring great results... 

Designing a Montessori Home

Designing a Montessori Home
Tuesday, 19 September 2006
by Tim Seldin 

Organizing the Home

The Bedroom

“We must give the child an environment that he can utilize by himself: a little washstand of his own, a bureau with drawers he can open, objects of common use that he can operate, a small bed in which he can sleep at night under an attractive blanket he can fold and spread by himself. We must give him an environment in which he can live and play; then we will see him work all day with his hands and wait impatiently to undress himself and lay himself down on his own bed.”
- Maria Montessori

Children’s bedrooms should clearly reflect their personalities and current interests.Even though on their own they may tend to create chaos, young children have a tremendous need and love for an orderly environment.  Everything should have its own place and the environment should be organized to make it easy for the child to maintain a neat, well organized atmosphere.
• Ideally, the young child’s bed should be low to the floor, making it easy for toddlers to get in and out on their own.  Rather than a crib, Montessori urged parents to modify the bedroom to facilitate both the child's safety and his early independence.  Consider a Japanese futon or a mattress  without the bed frame.
• By age five, you may wish to allow your child to use a sleeping bag on his bed instead of sheets and blankets. This will make it easy for him to make his own bed in the morning.  
• Mount a nice little coat and hat rack low on one wall where your child can reach them easily.  
• Decorate the walls with high quality art prints of children or animals hung at the child’s eye level.
• Mount a wall clock at the child’s level. Select one with a large easily read face.
• Modify your light switches with extenders to allow the young child to turn his lights on and off independently.  
• Hang a bulletin board on the wall at your child’s eye level on which he can hang art work school papers.
• Don’t use a toy box.  Imagine the chaos in your kitchen or workshop if you threw your tools and utensils together in a chest.  Instead use low shelves to display books and toys  Try to duplicate the look of your child’s classroom.
• Notice how Montessori teachers avoid clutter.  Place toys with many pieces in appropriate containers,such as Tupperware “boxes” with lids, basket, or in a sturdy plastic bag.  
• Use a sturdy wooden crate to hold your child’s building blocks.  
• You may want to create a model town or farm on piece of heavy plywood.  Paint it green and sprinklemodel railroad “grass” on it to simulate a meadow. Placed on a low table, your child can create wonderful displays with model buildings made of wood or plastic. Add little trees and people from a model railroad set.  You could set up a doll house this way as well.
• Store Lego blocks in a large, colorful and sturdy canvas bag with handles. Sew on strips of velcro to fasten the bag closed. In your child’s bedroom the bag will serve as a sack to contain his Legos. When you travel it is very easy to pick the bag up to come along.  
• Make sure that your child’s clothes chest has drawers that are the right height for him or her to open and look inside. Label the drawers: underwear, socks, etc.
• Flower vases: Encourage your child to collect flowers from the fields or garden for his room.
• Provide some shelf space for a small nature museum in your child’s room.  Here he can display rocks that he finds, interesting seeds, and (in small cages) interesting ‘critters.’
• Music should be an important part of every child’s life. Set some space aside for a simple stereo system and collection of recordings.

The Bathroom

• The bathroom must be prepared for your child.  He should be able to reach the sink, turn on the water,and reach his toothbrush and toothpaste without help.
• There should be a special place where he can reach for his towel and washcloth.  
• Most parents provide bathroom stools, but small wobbly stools often do not provide enough secure, comfortable space for bathroom tasks.  
• Build wooden platforms 6-8 inches high that actually fit around toilets and sinks.An Art and Crafts Area• Set up an art area with an easel and a spacious art table for drawing, craft work and clay.  Cover the table with a washable tablecloth.
• Children's art supplies can be neatly stored in separate tupperware containers. Depending on your child’s age, the art supplies that you prepare might include washable magic markers, crayons, paste, paper, fabric scraps and recycled household articles for making collages  You can keep tempera paint fresh by mixing it in Tupperware containers that are divided into three or more inner compartments.  

The Kitchen

• Make room in your kitchen for a child-sized work table for young cooks.
• Set aside the bottom shelf in your refrigerator for your children. Here you can store small drink pitchers, fruit, and the ingredients for making sandwiches and snacks. Use non-breakable Tupperware containers to hold peanut butter, jams, lunch meats, and spreads.  A child of two can open the refrigerator and get her own prepared snack or cold drink stored in a little cup.  A slightly older child can pour her own juice and make her own lunch.
• Use a bottom drawer to hold forks, knives and spoons. 
• Mount a low shelf on a wall for plates, cups, and napkins.

Children can help around the house

If presented correctly, children from age two to six take delight in caring for their environment, dusting, mopping, scrubbing, cleaning and polishing, and they should be able to do so as easily at home as at school.  It is perfectly reasonable to ask older children to straighten up their rooms and help with simple household chore.
• Give your child his own little broom or dust buster.
• Hang a feather duster on a hook.
• Provide a hamper for your child’s dirty clothes.  Ask him to carry them to the laundry room on a regular basis.
• The bathroom should have a small bucket with a bathtub scrub brush and a sponge.
• Folding towels and napkins is a good activity to teach the young chil