Every Child Suffers from Separation Anxiety

Children Separation Anxiety — http://www.dailymontessori.com/self-development/children-separation-anxiety/

Every parent has experienced the phenomenon of separation anxiety in children. It is a normal behavior that is part of child’s development seen mostly in babies and toddlers. It can most often be seen in babies from 8 months to about 2 years old. It is often triggered with a new childcare situation, a new sibling or moving to a new place. For children it would be normal to feel this way, to cry and be distressed to the new changes as they are separated from who they trust. A child may even feel anxiety next door from the parents’ bedroom while tucked in the bed.

For a child who is younger than 8 months it is easier to adapt to new caregivers. It is about 8 months to 1 year that a child is more aware of the surroundings, recognizes faces and exhibits stranger anxiety. It is also about 8 months that a child only begins to understand the concept of object permanence. This is when babies are not able to see an object in front of them that they think it has disappeared or is completely gone and could not just be somewhere else. It is therefore important to allow the child to understand this concept and to feel secure about not being let alone. At this stage children also begin to understand the input and control they have in their environment.

In the Montessori classrooms, activities such as drop boxes with drawers in which a child may drop a ball and observe as it disappears from sight and can be found once more hidden in a drawer, allow this concept to be understood. While this is a normal phenomenon, it is a concern since it can also be unsettling for parents by triggering feelings of guilt and confusion. As the child takes on this new role of awareness and impact to the surroundings, he slowly begins to experiment with the adult and daily routine of the adults.

The child attempts to avoid separation by becoming teary eyed as the parent attempts to leave the child with the carer, testing the boundaries that are set. As with everything, the parents need to be firm with the boundaries that they set with their children. A child understands that crying affects the adults when they leave and will use this strategy to avoid separation.

What can parents do to help a child to feel secure about being left alone? Strategies include minimizing the separation as much as possible, taking the baby along if possible and waiting for the child to outgrow this phase of development. If a child has to be left without parents, leave him with a relative or someone familiar. This can allow for separation to be easier. Yet if a child is to be left in childcare and the carers are strangers, try to let the child become familiar with the carers gradually in preparation for the new situation. Allow for and give time to the child to become comfortable. This can be done by letting the child become accustomed to the new surroundings and carers. The parent may drop off a child earlier in the center or allow a babysitter to come in earlier to allow the child to interact with the carer before the parent has to leave. Let the child be fearful but show him that it is okay. Also always say goodbye to your child, and give a cuddle or a kiss and tell him you will be back. The goodbyes though should not be prolonged and should be light. The baby is also aware of your feelings of difficulty of letting go. Try not to let the child see you cry (if you do so) and most often the child will stop crying as soon as you are a few steps out of the doorway. Once you have left do not come back and forth as it will reinforce using crying as a strategy to keep you there. Repeated trips will make it harder for both of you and the carer.

If difficulty is still observed re-evaluate the goodbye pattern. If the parent makes a big deal of the separation the child senses it and also becomes distressed. A quick goodbye may make the child feel confident that you will be back. A parent’s body language may also send a message to the child that he can always come back and therefore hinder exploring the environment and getting comfortable with the surrounding and the carer. A child may start exploring his surroundings but the parent sends a message to come back to him/her and the child may do just exactly that. It also requires awareness from the parents.

Another form of separation anxiety is night time separation anxiety. This can be dealt with by spending some extra time reading a bed time story or a cuddle time with the child. If the child cries in his sleep, do comfort him but do not stay until he falls asleep. It will be hard initially, but your child will be more likely to be able to fall asleep on his own.

As Montessori believed “Some children are of such retiring nature that their psychic energies are too weak to resist the influence of the adult. Instead they attach themselves to an older person who tends to substitute his own activity for theirs and they thus become extremely dependent upon him. Their lack of vital energy, although they are not aware of it themselves make them prone to tears. They complain about everything; and since they have the air of one who is suffering, they are thought to be sensitive and affectionate. They are always bored, though they do not realize it, and they have recourse to others, that is, to adults, because they cannot themselves escape the boredom that oppresses them. They cling to another as if their very life depended upon it. They ask adult for help. They want him to play with them, to tell them stories, to sing to them and never leave them. An adult becomes a slave to such children. Even though child and adult have a deep understanding and affection for one another, they are ensnared in the same net.”

It is quite common, though hard to admit, that it is harder for the adult to separate from the child than for the child to separate from the adult. (Lillard) This also has to be realized so as to know how the separation can be dealt with. It is hard for a parent to let go of a child who is slowly gaining independence while until recently was very dependent on the parent. It is important to allow the child to realize these feelings of separation and overcome them. A parent may be able to do a lot to help the child by making him feel comfortable, familiar with the carer. A child needs to learn the concept that physical presence is not the only way to feel trust and feeling of oneness with the loved one. This  is a concept that is important for both, parent and child to grasp.

If separation anxiety is properly dealt with, it helps pave the way for the acceptance attachments and separations as a natural process. It is a process that enhances security in life. Based on attachment theory by John Bowl by, attachment is the sense of being loved and being part of the world. When a child feels secure he is then not focused on his internal emotional needs and turns the attention to the external world and allows exploration and work. It is then through this work and exploration that a child learns and creates himself.

To be able to deal with separation anxiety it may be difficult for the child, parent and carers but it must be dealt with and the suggested strategies may be used to ultimately help the behavioral development of the child.

References: Lillard, P.P and Jessen, L.L. Montessori from the Start Schocken Books, New York. 2003.http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babydevelopment/145.html

Observation Guidelines:

1. The Montessori materials presented are those that can be found on the communication board.

2. Fine motor skills to watch out for are: reflexive grasp, sweeping arm movements, wrist movement, primitive pincer, palmar grasp, true pincer, how many finger grasps, intentional release, thumb and index opposition, small pincer grasps, pointing, etc.

3. Gross motor skills to watch out for are: turning, sitting up, pulling up, scooting, crawling, standing and walking (on wide base or stable)

Famous or Successful People Who Were Montessori Educated

Famous or successful people who were Montessori educated

Many familiar people who were Montessori educated

The famous individuals most obviously influenced by Montessori are former Montessori students. Many of these individuals are known for their initiative, creativity, and self confidence.

1. Peter Drucker, Management Guru
2. Larry Page, Co-Founder of Google
3. Sergey Brin, Co-Founder of Google
4. Jeffrey Bezos, Founder of Amazon.com
5. Mark Zuckerberg – the co-founder of Facebook was apparently educated at a Montessori school.
6. Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft
7. Katharine Graham, Owner/Editor of the Washington Post. “The Montessori method—learning by doing-once again became my stock in trade…” from Personal History by Katharine Graham
8. Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, Editor, Former First Lady
9. Sean ‘P. Diddy’ (formerly known as Puffy) Combs, RAP mega-star
10. Anne Frank, Author of The Diary of Anne Frank
11. Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Nobel Prize winner for Literature
12. Prince William and Prince Harry, English royal family
13. T. Berry Brazelton, Pediatrician and Author
14. Julia Child, Chef, Star of many TV Cooking Shows, and Author
15. Friedensreich Hundertwasser, Austrian painter and Architect
16. Elizabeth Berridge – actress
17. Kami Cotler – actress
18. Melissa and Sarah Gilbert – actors
19. David Blaine – a magician
20. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Hugh Grant, who both went to Wetherby, a Montessori school in London (the same school as Princes William and Harry)
21. Lea Salonga, from the O.B.Montessori Center, Phil. Inc., the famous Filipino singer and Broadway Actress. She is the star in the famous Broadway musical “Miss Saigon” and now “Cinderella” which is being shown in the Philippines stage.

Many famous people chose Montessori schools for their own children

Montessori education is a well-thought-out choice for many famous people who are looking for a school providing individualized instruction and the opportunity for their children to achieve their potential.

1. Stephen J. Cannell, TV Writer-Producer-Director
2. Patty Duke Austin, Actress
3. Cher Bono, Singer and Actress
4. John Bradshaw, Psychologist and Author
5. Yul Brynner, Actor
6. Susan St. James – actress
7. Marcy Carcy, TV producer
8. Bill and Hillary Clinton, Former President and New York Senator
9. Michael Douglas, Actor
10. Shari Lewis, Puppeteer
11. Yo Yo Ma, Cellist
12. Jennifer Granholm and Daniel Mulhern, Governor of Michigan

Other famous people connected to Montessori

A number of famous individuals are linked through Montessori simply as supporters of the method.
1. Alexander Graham Bell (inventor). He and his wife Mabel founded the Montessori Education Association in 1913. They also provided financial support directly to Dr. Maria Montessoriand helped establish the first Montessori class in Canada and one of the first in the United States.

2. Fred Rogers, children’s TV personality, was a strong supporter of Montessori education.
3. Thomas Edison, scientist and inventor, helped found a Montessori school.
4. President Wilson’s daughter trained as a Montessori teacher. There was a Montessori classroom in the basement of the White House during Wilson’s presidency.
5. Alice Waters, restaurateur and writer, is a former Montessori teacher.
6. Bruno Bettelheim, noted psychologist/author, was married to a Montessori teacher.
7. Erik Erikson, noted anthropologist/author, had a Montessori teaching certificate.
8. Jean Piaget, noted Swiss psychologist, made his first observations of children in a Montessori school. He was also head of the Swiss Montessori Society for many years.
9. Robert Frost – Poet Laureate. One of Americans best read poets.

Montessori has influenced many people, famous or not, who have grown to see the world in a new way and to follow their own leading. Nobel Laureate in Literature and former Montessori student Gabriel Garcia Marquez eloquently describes Montessori’s influence:
“I do not believe there is a method better than Montessori for making children sensitive to the beauties of the world and awakening their curiosity regarding the secrets of life.”

“Montessori taught me the joy of discovery…It showed you can become interested in pretty complex theories, like Pythagorean theory, say, by playing with blocks. It’s all about learning on your terms, rather than a teacher explaining stuff to you. SimCity comes right out of Montessori—if you give people this model for building cities, they will abstract from it principles of urban design.” -Will Wright, Computer Game Designer and Original Designer of The Sims.

Your Presence Is Your Present

Your Presence Is Your Present—Maren Schmidt

Do you ever worry about getting the “right” gift for the special people in your life?Let’s take a few minutes and make sure we are giving the gifts that can only come from the heart.

The Present of Listening.  How do we really listen? We turn off our cell phones,the television and the computer, and we focus on the person who is talking to us. We think in terms of their interests, their dreams and their disappointments. We are non-judgmental. We ask questions. We don't offer our own anecdotes. We focus on what is being said. We just try to understand.

The Present of Tenderness.  It is with small actions that we are remembered. The touch of tenderness comes from the heart and can express what perhaps a thousand words cannot. A hug, a kiss, a pat on the back, a touch of the hand. A cup of coffee. A cookie and milk. These tiny gestures show the love we have for family and friends.

The Present of Good Humor.  Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Clip the comics. Learn to tell a joke or two. Tell a few funny stories on yourself. Share your laughter because laughter sounds like angels music. Smile to light up a room.

The Present of Being Alone.  As much as we like to be with other people, at times being by ourselves is a wonderful gift. Be aware when the best gift for family and friends might simply be to let them have some time alone to rest and rejuvenate. Time alone helps us refill our love buckets.

The Present of Kindness.  Do something that lets loved ones know that you are thinking of them. Growing up, my mom would ask me if I would like to split a stick of chewing gum with her. To me, that gesture of offering to share a stick of gum communicated a lot of love and thoughtfulness.

The Present of a Handwritten Note. In today’s world of e-mails, the handwritten note becomes deeply personal. Your handwriting reflects your personality and sends a non-verbal message that is difficult to duplicate. Seeing my dad’s handwritten notes in the books he left me is a gift that gives every time I see his script or doodles.The Present of Appreciation.  Being able to recognize others with gratitudein asincere manner is a gift. Give a compliment to someone for the work they have done. A few words-What a great meal;Thanks for setting the table; or ;I think you are handsome in that shirt;—can brighten anybody’s day.

The Present of a Positive Attitude. There’s enough doom and gloom  in the world. We don’t need to bring a rain cloud along. Help those around you see the beautiful, the hopeful and the wonderful in the world around them. 

These are the jewels that shine across the decades of our lives, the golden nuggets of time in the velvet boxes of our memories. Our loving presence is our priceless present

Your Smartphone or Your Life!

2014 Graduation- Congratulations!

Montessori Glossary

Montessori Glossary

The Prepared Environment The Prepared Environment—Unlike traditional education, where there is primarily a two part structure (Teacher/Student), Montessori classrooms have three equal parts (Teacher/Student/Environment). A Montessori teacher has the responsibility of preparing the classroom environment with appealing hands-on materials so that the environment also becomes the child's "teacher." A classroom that has all the materials for every lesson that a child in that classroom will need for that day. The lessons, (Which are often called jobs  or works because we teach our students that everybody has a job, and at this moment in their lives their most important job is to learn.),  with all the materials that they will need for that lesson are neatly organized in a box, basket or tray  and placed so that the children can easily access and work with them.

Concrete to Abstract Concrete to Abstract—The classrooms are filled with hands-on materials. Montessori believed that knowledge proceeds from the hand to the brain. Students tend to be more relaxed and settled when they are placing colored pegs on a board, (square root) or scrubbing a table (Children's House practical life activity). Concrete materials make concepts real, and therefore easily internalized. The student works abstractly (paper and pencil) when he or she has internalized the pattern and no longer needs the material.

Sensitive Periods Sensitive Periods—The Montessori pedagogy is based on a relationship between the readiness or "sensitivity" of the learner and the specifically designed hands-on material. Montessori sensitive periods (for language, for order, for imagination, for abstraction) are linked to what we often think of as developmental education. Children learn better and more when the lesson matches their interest, when the teacher individualizes, and refrains from interfering with children who are concentrating. A special time in a child's life when he easily learns a particular skill if he is allowed to practice it exhaustively during this time. She referred to it as, ". . . a passing impulse or potency." Her theory of sensitive periods is now confirmed by scientists and even the popular culture, with Time magazine calling it "Windows of Opportunity

Normalization Normalization—Normalization is the Montessori term for a healthy, well-adjusted child who learns effectively in any situation. Being in a Montessori environment for a period of years brings about normalization, no matter how challenging the home environment.

The Absorbent Mind The Absorbent Mind—Montessori distinguished between periods of growth, where the intelligence is directed inwardly in an act of self-construction; and periods of development, where the intelligence is directed outwardly toward increasing knowledge, information, and experience in the world. The period from ages 3-6 is a period of growth. Montessori often compared the child’s mind to a sponge, which "absorbs" everything in its surroundings.

What – No Briefcase? Montessori and Paperwork

What – No Briefcase? Montessori and Paperwork

Edward Fidellow

Montessori parents are often bewildered by the lack of paperwork coming home with their child. There’s hardly any! So what does my child do all day? What can he be possibly learning?

For most of us our school experience was a blizzard of paper work – spaces to fill in, lines to write, dots to connect. Pages upon pages of busy work that hopefully conveyed to parents that we were learning. Much of it was redundant, boring and the waste of a good tree! But that was the measure for parents that learning was happening.

You’ve now entered a new universe when you chose a Montessori program. You didn’t choose Montessori because it resembled your learning experience but because it represented the learning experience you wished you’d been privileged to have. When you visit the environment your eyes feast on amazing materials – colors, shapes, complexities. Is this material really for my three year old or four year old - isosceles triangles, quatrefoils, reniform leaf shapes? Does he really touch it and feel it and use it? But when there is no paper trail coming home, you wonder!

Socrates said, “There is nothing in the mind that is not first in the hands.” And it is the touching of these concrete materials that begins the building of the mental processes in your child. Traditional education begins with intellectual development hoping to make the abstract concrete. Montessori education begins with the development and refining of the senses, allowing your child to build this concrete knowledge one step at a time until he is ready and poised to make the great intellectual leap into the abstract. In Montessori education, it is the child’s own developmental timetable that causes this explosion of  or calendar but a continual cultivation and development of the child’s growing intellectual power that is being fed day by day in a manner that allows your child to appropriate and practice the tools and skills that will form his intellectual abilities for a lifetime. 

All this time the child is building within himself this intellectual capability. Montessori education is very much like the construction of a jetty. Rock after rock is submerged in the water, seemingly lost beneath the surface but then the day comes when the latest rocks begin to become visible and break the water’s plane. Your child is building a very concrete foundation for all further intellectual development one achievement at a time.

These processes and achievements, in many ways, are very private for your child. Your child often doesn’t speak of them – or want to speak of them until after (sometimes long after) they have become operative and well established in your child. It is not that they want to exclude you from their developmental journey but they guard it – not jealously – but protectively, as if speaking about it would jeopardize its development.

This is why your best ally in understanding your child’s development and progress is the teacher and not random pieces of paper that wend their way home. The teacher is a good guide to share with you your child’s progress because much of what the teacher does in the classroom is to observe and document this progress. Montessori education is never just a question of teaching or presenting materials but of presenting and teaching at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Each child has a different learning style – one size doesn’t fit all. And it is this different learning style of your child that is celebrated and used to your child’s advantage in the learning process.

It is not so much what is put into your child that creates this tremendous Montessori learning explosion but what comes out of your child – out from their personality, their talents, gifts, and temperament. Montessori is about aligning learning with the way your child learns. There may not be another time in his life where the whole world is bent to give him every advantage and opportunity to learn as quickly and as effortlessly as possible.

Every day your child is absorbing the whole world around him trying to make sense of it, trying to master the parts he can. And it is in his Montessori classroom that this world is made tangible and accessible. He can’t always tell you when he is going to make the discoveries that will propel him on to new and even more exciting discoveries. (“Did you know that three times two is the same as two times three? The windows are rectangles and so are the tables.”) Instead of being given the answers – which he would be expected to put down on paper – which could go home; he is given the questions and allowed to discover the answers for himself. This joy of discovery is hard to put on paper.

There are two ways better than paper to know what your child is learning. Ask his teacher. She has the great joy of daily watching the discoveries light up your child’s eyes, of watching your child work the challenges of learning and the joy that comes to your child from mastery. She is watching the emergence of your child’s personality, watching his character form and his intellect develop. When you are talking with the teacher listen to the excitement of her voice as she relates your child’s progress and read in her eyes the joy she shares in your child’s discoveries and accomplishments. Much better than paperwork.

Second, ask your child. But don’t ask him what he learned today – he may not be able to tell you (and it still may be private but he’ll share with you when he is ready.) Ask him what he sees out of the window. He may just read the street signs to you (which isn’t bad for a three year old.) Ask him about his friends. Ask him about colors or dinosaurs or cars – and then listen. He will tell you all kinds of things. He will use all kinds of words – vocabulary and concepts you didn’t even know he knew. And if you keep listening you’ll learn not only what he learned but you will set a pattern for conversation and discussion that will take you well beyond the teenage years – much more satisfying and important than paperwork.

www.crossmountainpress.com